Should You Include a Flower Vase on a Headstone or Grave Marker?

By Blake Blomquist · Memorial Design Artist and Monument Installer · 31 years of experience

Should I include a flower vase or not on a memorial grave marker or headstone?

It’s a question that has become more and more common when families are designing and choosing a headstone or grave marker for their deceased loved one’s burial estate.

Flower vases have been a point of contention not just for families and for the visitors of the cemeteries, but also for the operators and managers of memorial parks around the nation.

When a family is going through the process of designing and choosing a marker or headstone… the decision of whether or not to add a vase for flowers usually arises.

Questions Families Ask About Vases

Factors that come into play typically are many, and they include the following: “How often will we visit?” How expensive is a flower vase? What are the maintenance ramifications? How much do they cost to keep them in good shape, or when needing replacement? And when flowers are placed in them, how long do the flowers actually remain intact?

Why Flowers Seem to “Disappear”

The most common misconception with flowers is that when a visitor returns after having placed a bouquet of artificial flowers during their last visit to the gravesite, only to find the vase empty, is that “the flowers were stolen.”

The vast majority of the time this is simply not the case at all. Most visitors who bring artificial flowers utilize a styrofoam piece that the plastic flower stems are stuck into, and then that chunk of foam is pressed into the vase — usually firmly, and it fits tight. What happens next is simply that it rains and the foam becomes saturated with water as it sits in the vase. Once the rain clears and the foam has time to dry completely… the styrofoam’s inherent quality is that it shrinks to become slightly smaller than it was originally when stuck down inside of the vase unit. Then when it rains again, the foam is looser inside the vase itself, and as the vase fills up with water the foam only expands dry slowly and it floats up and is now partially protruding out of the top of the vase. What usually comes with rain? Wind — and this wind grabs the top-heavy flower arrangement, and the flowers then become completely dislodged from the vase and fall over and out of the vase itself. If winds continue, like in a thunderstorm, they then blow across the gardens and up against the fenced border, or lay at rest quite a ways from their initial placement location.

This is true for both retractable bronze or composite vases used with flat bronze markers and even with fixed granite vases as well. Many memorial parks are clear in making their flower policies displayed both at the office or on signs at the entrances of the park. Those policies usually are a statement that families that place flowers do so at their own risk, and the cemetery management is not responsible for them in any way whatsoever.

Retractable Vase Surprises

Another instance of a vase “issue” is when a family’s visit intervals are extended… and a vase is retractable and can be turned upside down and retracted upside down inside the marker itself. It isn’t uncommon for vases to become difficult to pull up and get them back out of their retracted position due to grass clippings, small particles of mulched leaves, or a buildup of pollen and dust making the vase too tightly set into the vase hole to easily be pulled up and turned back to their useful upright position.

Also… the most common occurrence with “retractable vases” is that a family member visits who wasn’t involved with the initial purchase and finds the vase in its retracted position and upside down inside of the marker itself… and believes that a vase is not present and has been taken. Only to find out after making a phone call or visit to the cemetery office that the vase is indeed present but is currently simply in its retracted state.

Keeping Flowers in Place

A common recommendation made by cemetery managers is to utilize special flower attachment devices that are not constructed of foam. One such option is offered by flowersforcemeteries.com. They use a patented device that is reusable and works quite well. Their arrangements can routinely be purchased from a cemetery office or online, and when used properly they can assist in making a quality silk arrangement stay in place for longer than a year or more.

Other strategies include using thin baling wire to wrap around the flower stems where they are stuck into the styrofoam and run the wire down to the vase base and wrap it there to hold the artificial flowers in place and prevent the styrofoam from floating up when it rains and then blowing across the gardens.

Flowers that families leave are an integral part of a cemetery’s overall beauty and overall personality. But a purchaser of a memorial must consider that cemeteries usually are not required under their state perpetual care laws to replace a damaged or missing vase unless that damage was caused by the cemetery’s negligence. Negligence in that way is nearly impossible to “prove,” and even though some parks will contribute a partial reimbursement of costs… vases can be expensive — ranging between $300–$600 for a replacement. Keeping that in mind, one might reconsider designing a memorial “without” an actual flower vase.

When a Vase Still Makes Sense

Sure… in some instances a vase makes perfect sense. Especially if family lives close by and makes very regular visits to the park to both maintain the flowers and personally monitor them as well.

Cemetery managers commonly say vase-related issues are among the most common things they deal with day to day. So a cemetery manager can easily and understandably deal with and respond to vase-related phone calls and issues and inquiries somewhat flippantly.

So… when deciding whether or not to include a vase on a headstone… think wisely about your personal situation and be honest with yourself “up front” about the regularity of visits to the memorial park, and also if you’re willing to shoulder the costs involved in their maintenance or replacement.